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Sexual Trauma

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Continued… HERE’S THE THING NOW. Like I said after this incident, my brother and I never spoke of it again. So, we continued our relationship as usual (only now I had a sudden and intense urgency to constantly beat him up, which I would. Of course, now it all makes sense). But, we’ve been best friends since. Now that I’m thinking of it, what probably happened was that he was entering the puberty-age, and I think maybe he was scrolling through TV channels late at night. Sometimes, on HBO or Showtime, they would show dirty movies (I know this because I later discovered this when I first started puberty at around 9). I know that when I came across a dirty film for the first time (around puberty age too), THATS WHEN I first had any feelings of arousal and a desire to just touch myself. I began masturbating at…

I keep replaying a faded memory in my head lately. These past few years, I think I’ve only thought about it 3 or 4 times (and only for a split second). However, for some reason, for the past few months, I’ve begun to remember bits and pieces more and more. Each day, I think about it more frequently, and I’m hoping that since I’ve recently reinforced my daily self-care routine (daily meditations, writing my poems/lyrics, daily cardio, doing word puzzles, learning at least 1 new thing per day, keeping the house clean) that this new method of Philosophical Meditation will help me in uncovering and finally one day facing the truth. I’ve told ONE person before since it happened, and she was my best friend in middle school. I remember being in absolute shock that I had even admitted it. I don’t remember going into details, I don’t even really…

The subject of rape is a very sensitive one, both for the victim and the culprit. We read about different experiences the victims go through. Worse, our society has over time learned to tilt the table in favor of the culprit, while further victimizing the victim. Although there have been numerous instances where people have used the false accusation of rape as a weapon, causing havoc in the lives of many, tarnishing their reputation and damaging the credibility of those who are actual victims of rape. Findings from a National Survey carried out in 2014 on Violence Against Children in Nigeria confirmed one in four girls reported experiencing sexual violence in childhood with approximately 70% reporting more than one incident of sexual violence. In the same study, it was found that 24.8% of female victims, between 18 to 24 years old,  experienced sexual abuse prior to age 18 of which…

Navigating romantic relationships has proven to be challenging. In our desire to make a true, heart felt connection we fail to build a solid foundation for our relationships, which is intimacy. Intimalogy is the study of intimacy and its complexity. In this talk, Intimacy expert, Dr. Kat Smith, shares her story of triumph over trauma. After childhood abuse and date rape, she was able to use her challenging life experiences to open up to the transformational power of love. With today’s challenges of sexual assault and domestic abuse, Dr. Kat uses her past as inspiration and enlightenment and helps to motivate and re-educate men and women on all the components of intimacy, emotional development and the differences between intimacy and sex. She teaches couples how to create the deep intimate connections they desperately desire. Intimalogist, Dr. Kat Smith is America’s Intimacy Expert and formerly a co-host of an ABCradio syndicated…

As you recover from rape and childhood trauma, you will begin to get back in touch with your authentic self, untainted from the trauma’s effects.  It has been said that most survivors grew up too fast. Their vulnerable child-selves got lost in the need to protect and deaden themselves. Reclaiming the inner child is part of the healing process. Often the inner child holds information and feelings for the adult. Some of these feelings are painful; others are actually fun. The child holds the playfulness and innocence the adult has had to bury. Indeed, although trauma from sexual violence does incalculable harm, survivors can start to become the person they have always wanted to be, it will take a lot of work but healing, and eventually thriving, is possible. It is most likely that it’ll force you to develop strengths which you may well now be in a position to…

I was in love with my fiance for 2 years. We struggled a lot to convince our families to accept our relationship. It was a dream come true for me when they did. But he started drifting, he was no longer the same man I fell for, maybe because of the acceptance issue from our families, or his workload. Anyway, I wanted to marry him at all cost. There was another guy in my office. He liked me, but I didn’t feel the same way about him. We were just normal friends. I made it very clear from the beginning that I was about to get married to the love of my life, but one day I had a huge fight with my man, he made me feel unwanted and didn’t pick my call for a whole night. I became so vulnerable. I called the other guy, just to catch…

“If you think that rape is wrong for the wrong reasons, you are part of the problem. The reasons we condemn rape often strengthen the same power structures that lead to rape in the first place. The common arguments against rape are also the common contributing factors to female oppression, denial of female agency and sexual violence as a tool of punishment.” Join Shreena Thakore as she deconstructs the complexities of rape culture in an Indian setting and elucidates the right reasons to think that rape is wrong. Shreena Thakore is the co-founder of No Country for Women – an organization dedicated to fighting institutionalized rape culture in India. Their work focuses on bridging the gap between academia and activism, and has gained significant national and international recognition. She studied at Brown University, USA.

… Continued: I could tell story after story of pretending to be asleep and him coming into my bedroom regardless if my mom was home or not. He raped me at 11 and a half and I ran and locked myself in the bathroom in pain. I then had a babysitter who must have been in her 20’s as I remember she had a baby. I decided that if Mary had a baby without sex then I might be able to pass off having a baby and say that I was like Mary. I understood nothing but somehow, I was frightened of getting pregnant and then explaining what had happened and I was so ashamed I did not want my mom to know. This babysitter must have thought that I was crazy, as I argued that this could happen.  Well, one day I brought home a paper to go to the…

Sometimes being an adult that suffered from child molestation or rape never leaves my mind and the repercussions of it have affected me deeply. The effect is a scar just like the kind that you receive when you’re badly injured and get stitches. I cannot speak for others as I have only had my own personal experience.  The severity of mine was very bad, it was cruel, it was terrifying, it was unmentionable and scary.  I was frightened most of my young life and it was ongoing from 7 to 17.  I was in a very innocent age at the time being born in the 50’s.  My generation did not have TV depicting much about wholesome family unit shows.  I had no Internet to look up things and asking people might have revealed something I felt ashamed, guilty, uneducated, and unknowledgeable about.  I had a small teaching of the Bible from a few Sunday School classes.  I…

The childhood trauma Lauren Book suffered robbed her of her childhood, but forced her to learn how to find her voice and rebuild her life with purpose…through her TED Talk, she challenges viewers to do what she’s been challenged to do through her journey from victim of physical, sexual and emotional abuse to struggling survivor and now thriver and internationally recognized advocate for change. Along the way, Lauren’s journey has often been three steps forward and ten steps back. Seeking to address and unearth the root cause of behaviors and decisions within her own life, and society’s take on child protection issues and child sexual abuse at large, Lauren explains how she found her driving force – her X – by choosing to face, instead of run from, some of her darkest places…and finding her (wh)Y? Lauren Book, M.S. Ed, is an internationally respected & renowned child advocate, former classroom…