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Continued… HERE’S THE THING NOW. Like I said after this incident, my brother and I never spoke of it again. So, we continued our relationship as usual (only now I had a sudden and intense urgency to constantly beat him up, which I would. Of course, now it all makes sense). But, we’ve been best friends since. Now that I’m thinking of it, what probably happened was that he was entering the puberty-age, and I think maybe he was scrolling through TV channels late at night. Sometimes, on HBO or Showtime, they would show dirty movies (I know this because I later discovered this when I first started puberty at around 9). I know that when I came across a dirty film for the first time (around puberty age too), THATS WHEN I first had any feelings of arousal and a desire to just touch myself. I began masturbating at…

I keep replaying a faded memory in my head lately. These past few years, I think I’ve only thought about it 3 or 4 times (and only for a split second). However, for some reason, for the past few months, I’ve begun to remember bits and pieces more and more. Each day, I think about it more frequently, and I’m hoping that since I’ve recently reinforced my daily self-care routine (daily meditations, writing my poems/lyrics, daily cardio, doing word puzzles, learning at least 1 new thing per day, keeping the house clean) that this new method of Philosophical Meditation will help me in uncovering and finally one day facing the truth. I’ve told ONE person before since it happened, and she was my best friend in middle school. I remember being in absolute shock that I had even admitted it. I don’t remember going into details, I don’t even really…

 At the very core of my being There is a living and all-powerful force Protecting me from the evil forces Sent to besiege and to destroy my spirit  I have been touched by tarnished hands Yet I’ve remained untouched  I have been seen with unwanted eyes Yet I’ve remained unseen  I have heard the sound of words Which were destructively piercing to the ear Yet I only hear the essence of my beauty being expressed  The tinge of filth has been poured upon me Yet I’ve remained as fresh as a blossoming flower  I have tasted the bitterness of abuse Yet my tongue continues to utter Sweet words of praises To the unyielding…Everlasting…All-Encompassing God within me  This strength prevails because The inner eye sees not like the outer The inner ear hears not like the outer The inner nose smells not like the outer And the inner mouth tastes nor…

My rapist was my ex-girlfriend. I’m a man. We weren’t together at the time. Actually we broke up due to her being quite abusive. She took advantage of me while I was drunk. She then kept messaging me and saying how she was pregnant and now we get to spend our lives together. I was depressed for months. “A small gesture can turn somebody’s situation around, support survivors by ONLY leaving a kind and thoughtful comment.”

“What was she doing out so late?” “Why was she wearing such tight, revealing clothes?” “If she visited him at his house she can’t say she didn’t want it to happen.” If you are one of those who says one or more of the above statements, then you are promoting rape culture. If the term “rape culture” sounds alien to you, allow me to explain. Rape culture is a sociological concept for a setting or society in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality. Behaviors commonly associated with rape culture include victim blaming, slut shaming, sexual objectification, trivializing or outright denial of rape or refusal to acknowledge the harm caused by rape. A very basic study of the Nigerian society will reveal the existence of rape culture which cuts across all facets of society regardless of gender, social class, education, background or exposure.…

Nothing is foolproof, but there are research-proven changes companies could make. To start with, having more women employees, particularly in leadership roles, can reduce the incidence of harassment. Why? It’s not that women are somehow themselves preventing the behavior—in fact women too can be perpetrators—but that male-dominated organizations are more likely to have cultures characterized by aggressive and competitive behaviors and so-called locker-room culture. In addition, compared with women, men tend to have more trouble recognizing when women are being treated in an unfair or sexist way. This sets the stage for harassment: In such contexts, norms of professionalism can give way to boorish interactions in which women are treated as sexualized pawns rather than as valued and competent work colleagues. And if men are less likely to label what their male colleagues are doing as inappropriate, it can make matters worse. What’s more is that in these hyper masculine settings, when women…

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.   Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.   Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.   -this version is credited to Mother…

The time immediately after a rape ordeal is confusing, emotional, and charged with anxiety –for the victim and their loved one(s). It is also a time of physical discomfort and high risk for them, high risk because they are most likely thinking about their experience in relation to how their loved ones will feel about it/about them and how they would react, this contributes a lot to what choices they would make in how to handle the experience. Not only have they been terrorized and totally violated, but they fear that their closest companions may not be supportive or believe them. One of the most frightening experiences for a victim is having the courage to talk to anyone and wondering how the person will react. Your reaction can set the tone for their recovery in years to come. They will wonder, “Will I need medical care?” “Should I tell my…

I was in 300 level in the university of Lagos and for all my outgoing persona and loud talk, I was still a Virgin. It was internship period and there was a break that year, so students were few in school. This guy had been hitting on me for a while and one evening when everyone had gone out I decided to finally take his offer for lunch. Later, he asked to get something from his flat and looking back I blame myself for being naive, trusting and not discerning. While in his house it began raining and I asked to go back to my hostel. We went out and he tried to start his car but told me that it couldn’t start and I believed him. He then called a mechanic,  when I told him that it was getting late and I would just get myself home, he said the…

“The opposite of recognizing that we’re feeling something is denying our emotions. The opposite of being curious is disengaging. When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don’t go away – they own us then they define us. Our job is not to deny the story, but to defy the ending – to rise strong, reckon with our story, and rumble with the truth until we get to a place where we think, Yes. This is what happened. This is my truth. And I will choose how this story ends.” – Brene Brown. At moments of sorrow, despair and exhaustion, it is only too easy to look back over the years and feel that our lives have, in essence, been meaningless. We take stock of just how much has gone wrong: how many errors there have been; how many unfulfilled plans and frustrated dreams we’ve had. No…