Rape

Anonymous Story: I Just Wished I Could Disappear

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I was asked by a friend in the student lodge to go with her to her boyfriend’s house, he wasn’t really her boyfriend-more like a guy she had met and was just getting to know; well, she didn’t want to go alone and she asked that I should accompany her. So he picked us from our lodge and we drove to his house. His friend was playing video game in the sitting room when we got there, we sat with him and jisted a little, my friend then left me with the guy and went upstairs with her boyfriend. They put on some music and it was really loud; while I sat with the guy in the sitting room, we talked about different things, mostly about Nigeria and how fun Lagos is, especially Nigerian women.

Then he stopped playing his video game and focused his attention on me as we talked, he started inching closer as he asked me questions; as he drew close to where I sat, I moved further down the couch but he wouldn’t stop. Then he grabbed me and started rubbing his hands on my knees. I told him to stop, that wasn’t why I was there but he wouldn’t listen. So I made to get up and change seat to another chair all the while looking upstairs for my friend to come out so we could leave, but she didn’t. As I tried to get up, he grabbed me and we started struggling, I fought and asked him to leave me alone, I pushed and kicked but he wouldn’t relent and I could see that he was beginning to get excited.

And then he asked why I was being stubborn, why I was being a small girl, according to him Nigerian girls are supposed to be fun. He pinned me down with his legs and elbows, hitting me whenever I screamed and tried to move out of his grasp, all the while dragging my cloths. I couldn’t fight him anymore, I started begging him not to hit my face, not to hit me anymore and I would allow him do what he wanted. Afterwards, he became even angrier and said that if I had just behaved and stopped acting like a virgin it wouldn’t have happened like that, he then started saying some things in his language.

I ran out of that house without her, I don’t know what happened to her up there, but I couldn’t get out of there fast enough, all I could think about was myself and I carried that guilt for a very long time. I didn’t see her until a few days later and then it was from afar, she didn’t seek me out either, she was clearly avoiding me and I was very happy to avoid her as well if it meant not saying what happened to me, what was there to say? I didn’t even have it in me to be angry or suspicious, I just wished I could disappear, I could leave my body somehow and this was when I rarely wore anything attractive thinking looking unattractive would keep this sort of experience away from me. Getting back to our student lodge from that place was the lowest point of my life; I had never felt so low in my entire life. I left the program before the end; I just couldn’t focus or cope with everything. I didn’t go to the hospital, neither did I report it.

 

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