I thought he was my friend. We knew each other while we were kids but we weren’t in the same circle, I moved to the city and we met again and became friends. He asked me out after a while but I said no because I wasn’t interested in being in a relationship. I was new in town and I didn’t know anybody, besides I have to feel safe with people before I get close to them. However, he didn’t go away when I said no to him, we saw each other a lot; he was the kindest, gentlest person I had ever met and for a guy I was really impressed by him. We were friends for close to 2 years and by then I had gotten to know him, my guards were down and I came to trust him.
I didn’t know there was wickedness in him somewhere, and he hid it so well. While we were friends, I told him of the kind of relationship I wanted and how I wanted to wait till marriage to have sex – he encouraged it and sounded like he wanted the same thing. I repeated it again when we started our relationship even though I felt I didn’t have to since he knew where I stood on certain things, he still seemed to be on the same page. I didn’t have issues inviting him over to our house because he visited a few times while we were friends and he was a perfect gentleman. But then, the first day he came to visit as a boyfriend, we were making out a little but things started getting out of hand, I yelled stop several times but he wouldn’t stop, I pushed him to get off but he wouldn’t stop and he raped me.
I tried to rationalize it, I felt it was a mistake and I should let it go since I knew him as a kind guy, I thought probably because he had been waiting to have sex till marriage making out suddenly made him lose control. I became sober after that and was looking for a sign that shows that I missed something about who he is while we were friends, I even blamed myself a little. We dated for a while, I then discovered that I was pregnant from that rape, I told him and he said I had to remove it because he doesn’t want anything to set him back on his plans. He reminded me that I was barely working or making any money that will sustain me and the baby because he would just disappear and I won’t see him again. He said that if I dared contacted his people he’d just deny me. I was shocked. He suddenly looked so different like I was only meeting him for the first time, and everything he was saying, no feelings at all, like he has done it before. He brought some pills and said I had to take it, he said all sorts of things and was there, and made sure I took it before he left. Then it was over. I haven’t allowed myself be with anybody ever since.
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